PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS

Platonic relationship is a non-sexual, non-committal but affectionate relationship, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. It is a deep, non-sexual friendship, not subject to gender pairings and not excluding close relatives.

This is the kind of relationship I share with my best friend Allan. We have known each other since 1992 and we stayed friends and remained to be in close contact until now. Some of our friends often wonder why we did not end up as lovers. We always tell them that our relationship transcends from simple friends to brothers and sisters. I don’t feel any sexual connection with him and so is he. There are no pretensions or inhibitions between us. I can practically take off my clothes in his presence and never feel insecure or conscious about how I look. With just a grin or a blink of an eye we already knew what the other mean and want to say. We practically read each other’s mind. We are one of a kind. We compliment each other. When I feel down due to a recent failed relationship, he is always there to remind me to pick myself up and move on. He is always there for me during difficult times. As we get older, we oftentimes argue. He barks on my very traditional and conservative ways. He makes fun of me.

I’ve read an article explaining the complexities of platonic relationships. Applying the principles of platonic relationship with the relationship I currently have with my best buddy Allan, I ended up enumerating the following conclusions.
1. Just because he befriends you, it does not mean he will pursue you emotionally.

Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don’t automatically assume that it’s because he wants to be emotionally involved with you in the future. With me and Allan, we became friends because we sit side by side in the classroom in College every time our last names are alphabetically arranged. We talk most of the time and make fun of each other. I appreciate his sense of humor which means that I laugh at his corny jokes most of the time.

2. Just because he is kind to you, it does not mean he is courting you.

There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matter how wicked you seem they just find it easy to be kind to you. It’s not even close to courtship. Don’t put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he’s courting you or not. If he is, you won’t have to guess, you’ll know and you’ll be very certain about it. With Allan, I am certain that he is not courting me and he does not plan to do so in the near future. We’re just comfortable with each other thereby eliminating any possibility of a romance. I can act as his girlfriend if I feel like being naughty sometimes. He hates me when I do but who cares, he knows me very well to interpret it differently.

3. Just because he talks to you a lot, he already loves you.

Chances are you make sense when he talks to you, or you’re very patient listening to his stories. Most probably, both of you connect in some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it’s nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don’t have to automatically put a romantic connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It’s just coffee and a shared interest. Allan and I love to talk about anything under the sun. We reminisce our college day’s experiences. Oftentimes, we talk about our friends and how they are right now. We also talk about our lives, works and relationships. It would take us long hours before we get tired of talking. This is the most fun part of our friendship. We talk, sip coffee and have fun.

4. Just because your friend is cute, does not mean you already have a crush on him or love him already.

People always assume that just because your friend is “hot”, you desire him. It just only tells you one thing, that you have not been blind and that you can still appreciate God’s creation! However, there will always be weird things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you from having a crush on him. First of all, you know his history with women, enough to judge what’s good for you. Second, don’t you just hate it when a guy is always so put together and who looks intelligent and neat? Third, you know how he manages his finances and how much he can spend for a date. Well, with my friend Allan, he is afraid of commitment, a very vain person and who has his wallet hidden under his skin. I can’t stand him looking at the mirror for long hours more than I do for myself. Vanity is his game and it drives me nuts most of the time. He is always well-put and I put up myself just fine. Of course, he gambles in the casino a lot and he has passion for signature clothes and expensive things. Although I am not intimidated by his presence, I feel that I am inadequate when we’re walking side by side. He is the drop-dead gorgeous and I am just a walking spinster. Argh!!!!!

5. Just because you hang out most of the time does not mean that you’d end up being girlfriend-boyfriend.

This is self-explanatory. There are plenty of reasons why things don’t always turn out that way. There is no proven formula for it. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting vanity tips from you. He probably plans on being vain himself and he needs a mentor. With Allan, we usually hang out with each other to update ourselves with what happened to us for the past days. There is no big deal about it. It’s just the way we are. A little gossip spice up our lives.

6. Just because he asks you out for dinner or lunch, does not mean that he is into you.

A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily equate to a date especially if you are paying for your share in the meal. There are three things to consider here: the place, the topic, and how the two of you actually planned to meet.

First is the place: if he agrees to meet you in a place closer to him, it just means that he is meeting someone else and you’ll be there as his stand-by date just in case his supposedly date does not arrive. If it was a real date, both of you would want real food from a really nice, cozy and fancy restaurant and/or place where you could really talk things through. Second is the topic: you would mostly talk about your feelings for each other and not about some news you just seen or heard on television and/or radio. You don’t talk about topics like showbiz gossips or office politics when you’re on a date. You would probably be talking about sensible, quite personal stuff. Third is how the date was planned: if it was a date, he would ask you three days in advance before the actual date to give you some time to prepare, and also to give you the notion that you are not just “filler” on his schedule. With Allan, our date is spontaneous and always out of schedule. He usually sends me messages if he wants us to meet. He sets up the meeting place and it’s usually in a place near courthouses where he usually is. He is a lawyer so he could have a hearing in the nearby courthouse in an hour or two. Typically, we’ll have lunch together and then he will go back to work and so do I. We usually split the cost of our meal. Sometimes, we go to Tagaytay to visit our favorite church and pray for our own intentions. Our conversation mostly revolves on work and friends.

I therefore conclude that platonic relationships do exist and they are never complicated; people just have tendencies to complicate them. Relationships founded on friendship tend to be the best and the longest lasting kind. Know your boundaries and know the risks, then proceed with caution.We are happy with how we turned out to be. Although he will leave me soon to seek greener pasture abroad, I know that I will always be his best friend and vice versa. I will always be eternally grateful for this opportunity and experience!

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